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Ang lungkot nang walang ikaw.

Namimiss ko yung pag gigising ako sa umaga, tapos ikaw agad yung unang makikita ko. Yung mukha mong nakasimangot at tulo laway. Kahit sobrang pangit mo tignan, napaka sarap mo titigan. Na kahit ganon ang itsura mo, kayang kaya ko parin sabihin na mahal kita. Na mahal na mahal kita.

Kahit na kapag magkasama tayo, lagi mo akong inaaway. Lagi mo akong iniinis. Lagi mo akong kinakagat sa pisnge. Tapos kapag badtrip ka sa’kin mo ibubuntong, tapos kapag nakita mong naiinis na ako, bigla mo nalang ako yayakapin.

Kahit na lagi moko inaaway, masaya ako sa’yo. Kahit na ganon ka, masaya ako nang ganon. Ewan ko kung bakit, pero imbes na mainis ako at sabihing iwanan ka, natutuwa pa ako. 

Pero bakit naman ganon? “Kung talagang mahal mo ako, magiging masaya ka. Ibaling mo muna sa iba.” Dahil sabi mo yan, wala akong magagawa kundi sundin ka.

Pero sana wag mawala sa isip mo na mahal kita. Mahal na mahal na mahal. 

What the hell?

Don’t you just hate it when you’re too excited to get home to text your boyfriend and say that you’re home? But you won’t get any replies… 

And you’ll wait for him to get home so you could go talk about your days, but as usual, I’ll be dissapointed as fuck ‘cause he’ll just say that he’s tired and he really wants to go to rest. :)

And then you’ll see him commenting on someone’s status on facebook and doesn’t even wanna talk to you. Sucks to be me. 

1) Convos with Batman.

  • Me:
    Siguro kapag nag asawa ka,kawawa sa'yo. At hindi pwede mag trabaho.
  • Him:
    Bakit naman?
  • Me:
    Syempre,kailangan gigising pa sa umaga para lang gumawa nang baon mo,ihahanda yung damit mo pamasok,ihahanda yung susuotin mo,ihahanda yung agahan mo,etc..
  • Him:
    Kaya nga sinasanay na kita mag luto para kapag dumating na yung panahon na yun,e sanay kana.

Childish. :">

  • Me:
    *Sitting on the Sofa texting a friend..*
  • Him:
    *Sat beside me and asked..* Sino nanaman 'yang katext mo? Lalake nanaman?!
  • Me:
    *Laugh* Hindi,a! Ayan nanaman. Lalake nanaman.*Laughs again.*
  • Him:
    *Took my arms and then put it around him..* Baby mo'ko?
  • Me:
    Yes.
  • Him:
    Ako lang love mo?
  • Me:
    Talaga? Tapos makikipag chat ka nanaman sa mga lalake!
  • Me:
    Hindi nga sabi ikaw lang promise.

Beats.

  • Him:
    Mag white nalang kaya ako?
  • Me:
    Hmm,ewan. Baka hindi bagay.
  • Him:
    Edi red.
  • Me:
    Red? Hindi bagay sa'yo ang red kasi maitim ka. HAHAHAHA!
  • Him:
    Edi white. Kasi maitim ako.
  • Me:
    Pwede rin.
  • Him:
    Sobrang itim ko ba?
  • Me:
    Hindi naman. Pero kung sasabihin mong katamtaman,hindi kana kasama dun. Maitim kana talaga.

Dear you,

あと6日でもうすぐ4ヶ月の記念日だね。私はその日にすごくお楽しみにしてるんだよっ!

今の3ヶ月の中に、私の人生がすごく変わった。君と恋に落ちてほんとうにいいことだと思ってる。
今まであの暑い夏を覚えてる。私があなたの自転車の後ろに乗って、いろいろんな話をして、
とても懐かしい。その時はね、君はただの友達だけだと思った。君が私の恋人になるのは全然
知らなかった。だって、あなたのことを全然興味がなかったから。(笑)

それで、7月16日。二人がゲームセンターの中に話をした。

人:カイラちゃんって、ほんとうに弱いな人だね。(笑)~
私:うるせーな。弱いな人じゃねえーよっ!(怒)!!お前の方が弱いだろう。
人:ほんとうかよ?!それじゃ、お前が弱くないなら俺をキスして。できなかったら、
二人は付き合うね。
私:何だそれ!うん。それなら簡単。
(でもほんとうはその時はめちゃ緊張してた。笑~)

*5分後・・・・・*

人:おせーな。君はほんとうに弱いだ。(笑)~
私:誰が弱い?*キス・・*

ねえ、その時覚えてる?それは二人を初めてキスしたんだよ。その時で、初めて恋を感じた。
何か「この人は好き」という感じ。(笑)~

And then I just felt it. I fell in love. I thank god I made the right decision. To let my self fall in love with you.

これからもっと頑張りましょうね!君愛してるよ。

Then and now.

Two years ago: I fell in love with someone who I used to call my best friend. We admitted to each other that we have mutual feelings,but we never really declared that we’re in a relationship. We just suddenly acted like couples and decided to keep it that way because of the distance. Our so-called-relationship lasted for almost a month,though. And then all of a sudden,he became cold and said “I’m sorry,but long distance is too hard for me and I am still busy with school blah blah blah..”

One year ago: I was left heart broken and obviously still not over with it. I was confused and full of questions why it has to end that way. Why does it have to hurt like hell. It hurts so much I do not even know if I should cry or just shut up. 

I was so hurt and still so not over him,and still figuring why does he have to left me like I was just *some* other girl to him. I was his best friend after all.

Six months later,I decided to make myself better. I learned how to take care of my self and build some more confidence. In that way,I was always thinking maybe if I’ll make myself prettier,he’ll come back to me. But no. It never happened. He never noticed me. But I was still trying hard. I’ve been trying so hard,I didn’t even notice that some people are dying just to get my attention. I was a fool. I was in love.

Now: A year have passed and still no. I tried to fall in love with some other guys but it’s just that,I never felt any spark between us. I always ended up hurting them.

And then summer came,I promised to myself that I will never fall in love again. Not until I am ready to get hurt. Again.

But guess what? And old friend of mine had re-connected and then we started hanging out. We never really took each other seriously.. We never really thought that we would really be together. And yeah. Him and I got together eventually.

For the second time,I felt the sparks once again. The first time we kissed felt like I got electrocuted. The sparks are stronger than sparks I used to felt. It was a bliss.

He is now my everything. <3 I thank God for giving me an angel. I love him so much. 

Sister and I talking..

Ate: Kai,patingin nga nung sinasabi mong ex ni ano na sinasabi mong sineryoso niya.
Me: Baket?
Ate: Wala lang. Dali na!
Me: *Logs on to Facebook..* Eto siya,o. Yan yung talagang minahal niya. :)
Ate: Tss. Di naman pala maganda,e. Parang ikaw lang.
Me: Kapal mo naman,’te! Sama mo. Hindi nga. Pero okay lang,diba?
Ate: Basta hindi nga maganda. 

Me: Pfft.
Ate: Sigurado ka bang hindi na talaga sila niyan? Malay mo naman ginawa ka lang niyang girlfriend para meron sa Japan,meron din sa Pilipinas. Sigurado ka rin bang mahal ka niyan? Mamaya hindi naman pala talaga mahal niyan tapos ikaw baliw na baliw sakanya. Mamaya ikaw lang rin iiyak iyak sa huli.
Me: *Silence.*

It’s the very first time I heard my sister talk to me like that. I mean,it’s not that we don’t talk serious often,but this is the first time she showed that she cares about me. I don’t know why she’s so OVER PROTECTIVE about me getting hurt. Maybe because it’s the first time I introduced them my boyfriend. It’s the first time they saw me with another guy who isn’t part of our family,but a boyfriend.

I like the way how she is so over protective to me when it comes to love. Maybe because she doesn’t like me getting hurt because I am too young. Maybe. Idk. 

Ate got curious.

  • Ate:
    Uy alam mo ba,nakita ko si Jhaey nang may picture na may kasamang babae..Sino yun?
  • Me:
    Sino? Yung naka white? Yung katabi niya tapos parang may powder mukha nila pareho?
  • Ate:
    Oo,yun ata. Sino yun?
  • Me:
    Yun yung si Ate Jun! Ex niya yun.
  • Ate:
    Hala! Oh?
  • *After 30 mins..*
  • Ate:
    Nagustuhan niya naman ba yun?
  • Me:
    Sino? Si 'te Jun? Hindi.
  • Ate:
    O? E ano lang?
  • Me:
    Alam mo na. Same reasons.
  • Ate:
    *Worried look.*
  • I love how my sister can get worried about me but still fails to hide it from me.

Ano bang meron sa’yo at hindi kita magawang bitawan?

Alam ko namang gago ka. Gago ka sa babae. Alam ko naman na wala kang balak mag seryoso. Alam ko naman yun. Pero sinabe mo kase nagbago ka na..

Pero bakit parang habang nagtatagal,nag sasawa ka pa unti unti? Ibig sabihin ba nun e isa lang rin ako sa mga babaeng niloloko mo? Isa lang rin ba ako sa mga pang dagdag aliw mo? Takte kasi ang saket. Alam mo yun? Kahit na alam ko na ganyan ka,wala parin. Sige parin. Akala ko kasi mapapagbago kita eh.

Sinasabi mo nga na mahal mo’ko.. Puro lang naman salita,kulang lagi sa gawa. Mahal mo nga ba talaga ako? Ni hindi mo naman kasi pinapakita sa akin eh.. Takte kasi.

Masakit na. Ang sakit sakit na. 


Kaila Lean or just Kai for short.